Introduction – Why This Topic Matters
Let’s talk about female orgasm techniques for partnered sex—openly, honestly, and without shame.
I’ll be real with you: this is a topic I wish more women had access to when I was younger, and even now in my sessions, I meet women who’ve never had an orgasm or feel something is wrong with them because they “don’t come like other women do.”
I’m Mrs. Olawunmi Esan, a trained psychologist and sex therapist. I help Nigerian women and couples rediscover intimacy, connection, and yes—real sexual pleasure. If you’re here, it means you’re curious, courageous, and ready to learn what your body is capable of.
Why Women Struggle with Orgasms
Let me start by saying this: if you struggle with orgasms, you’re not broken. The reasons are often more cultural and emotional than biological.
Here are a few common culprits:
The Focus Is on Him: Many women are raised to believe sex is for male satisfaction.
Lack of Clitoral Stimulation: Most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone.
Poor Communication: If you can’t ask for what you need, your partner won’t magically know.
Understanding these blocks is the first step toward reclaiming your pleasure.
Female Orgasm Techniques for Partnered Sex
Let’s dive into practical, evidence-based techniques that can help you reach orgasm with a partner. These are tried, tested, and client-approved!
1. Clitoral Circles
Ask your partner (or use your hand) to gently rub the clitoris in circular, steady motions. Use lubricant for comfort. It’s not about pressure—it’s about rhythm.
Pro tip: Experiment with speed and pressure until it feels right for you.
2. Grinding During Penetration
Instead of thrusting in and out, try grinding your pelvis slowly against your partner’s during penetration. This keeps the clitoris engaged and allows you to control the stimulation.
3. Double Stimulation
Pair internal penetration with external clitoral touch—either your hand, his hand, or a small vibrator. This combo is known to bring over 70% of women to climax.
4. Kegel Orgasms
Contract your pelvic floor muscles (Kegels) during sex to heighten sensitivity. These orgasms are more internal and give you more control over the build-up.
5. Breath Syncing
Matching your breath with your partner creates emotional connection and helps you stay present. Deep breathing also increases blood flow to your genital area.
6. Sensual Affirmations
Never underestimate the power of words. Hearing “You’re sexy” or “I love making you feel good” engages your mind, which is key to mental arousal—a huge part of the female orgasm.
How to Communicate Your Needs Without Shame
Talking about what you like isn’t rude—it’s radical self-love.
Say, “I’d love it if you tried this…” instead of “You’re doing it wrong.”
Use feedback like, “That feels really good” or “Can you go slower?”
Start conversations outside the bedroom, when you’re relaxed and unpressured.
The Psychology Behind Female Pleasure
Our minds are our most powerful sex organ.
Stress, shame, low body image, or unresolved trauma can block orgasm more than any physical issue.
That’s why I always say: true intimacy starts with emotional safety. When you feel seen, heard, and valued—your body responds more openly.
Exercises and Preparation for Better Orgasms
To boost your orgasmic potential, build a body that supports pleasure.
| Exercise | Benefit |
|---|---|
| Kegels | Stronger orgasms, improved control |
| Glute Bridges | Enhances pelvic mobility |
| Squats | Improves blood flow and stamina |
| Butterfly Stretches | Increases hip flexibility |
| Breathing Meditation | Enhances mental presence |
Client Testimony
One of my clients, Fadekemi, once told me after three weeks of practice:
“For the first time, I didn’t fake it. I actually felt it—deeply. I cried, not out of sadness, but because I realized what I’d been missing all these years.”
Her story is one of many. Your body is capable of so much more than you’ve been told.
Recommended Resources
To go even deeper, here are a few trusted resources I often recommend:
FAQs – Female Orgasm Techniques for Partnered Sex
1. Is something wrong with me if I’ve never had an orgasm?
No. Many women don’t reach orgasm until later in life or after learning their bodies.
2. Can I orgasm through penetration alone?
Only about 20% of women can. Most need clitoral stimulation.
3. Do toys help or hinder orgasm?
They help! Especially when paired with communication and comfort.
4. How long should it take to orgasm?
There’s no standard. Some women need 20–30 minutes of consistent stimulation.
5. Can my partner help me learn what I like?
Yes, but only you can guide them by knowing and communicating what you enjoy.
Final Thoughts from Mrs. Esan
Dear woman, I want you to know this: your pleasure is not optional—it’s essential. These female orgasm techniques for partnered sex are not quick fixes—they’re invitations to discover what your body loves.
Be patient. Be curious. Be kind to yourself.
If you want hands-on support, don’t wait. Join me in the Better Lover for Women course or grab the Sexcapades guidebook and start your journey toward empowered intimacy.
With love and light,
Mrs. Olawunmi Esan
Psychologist & Certified Sex Therapist
